My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
