i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
