birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
