I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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