The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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