just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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