Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
