well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
