Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
