He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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