I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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