Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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