He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
