You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
