He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
