Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
