Who wears a wallet chain?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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