Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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