Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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