dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
