Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
