....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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