I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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