No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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