No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
