I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
