dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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