The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
