never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
