if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
