my room smells like sperm. sweet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
