i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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