She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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