you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
