Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
