You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
