and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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