i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize