Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
