My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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