Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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