Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
