I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
