I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
