There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are we still banned from the library?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
