He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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