wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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