im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
