last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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