It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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