Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
