Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
