he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
